What Must Be

6But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.
7For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.

"1 Peter 1:6-7"


I lied when I said once that I did not consider myself a religious man. Nothing could be further from the truth, for in reality, I actually am a deeply religious person. Not like the zealots who scream trivialties that you must follow so that you might become a good enough person to enter Heaven. Quite the opposite however, though that does not mean that I do not take my God and my beliefs seriously. I do, and I have for a very long time.

For a while, I was discouraged in secret, as I had been exposed to the ugly side of humanity more than once, though most of it was not directed at me, but rather at a close friend, who seemed to take the brunt of everything bad in his life. He tried to make the best of what he could through whatever struggle that came his way, and noticed that those that he once called brother or elder, turned their backs on him, and left him by the side, as they would go on to think themselves worthy of His attention.

Naturally, my friend was discouraged, for these were not strangers that gave him a hard time. No, these were people that he had known for years and years, people that he had come to know through the body of Christ that is the church that I was going to for a while. He was deemed an outcast by some, and sneered at by others. And I was reminded by a verse in Matthew somewhere that went along the lines of this:

"What you did for these people, you did for Me. What you did not do for these people, you did not do for Me."

Yet, my friend did not give up on life just yet. He fought on, and is still fighting today, his every effort to better the church that we grew up in together rebuffed by leaders who pushed him away, until he took off and left, and went to serve elsewhere. Still, he got a call from God some time back, and he was told not to give up on the church that we grew up in, for the Almighty still had a plan for that place.

At the time, I was discouraged as well, because until then I did not think that men that worshipped the same God under the same house could turn on their brothers and sisters for the littlest of reasons, or for the smallest amounts of power. I thought that those things only existed in broken homes, war-torn countries, ancient history or even in the hearts of misguided men who led millions to the slaughter because they did not like the colour of another man's skin. Surely not in the church, where men and women were taught to love and care for one another in a platonic way, of course.

I was wrong, and as a result, I began to lose hope in a certain branch of mankind -those that practice politics within a church. I began to doubt, and doubted for a very long time until I came to Melbourne and settled down within Planetshakers. It was they that were not afraid to offend, so long as it was the truth and that it was from God. They were optimistic in their actions and rightly so, for they involved themselves in God's will for a dying world, wasting away with petty things, searching for the answer when it was right in front of them. An answer so simple to understand, yet so difficult to grasp. And my faith in God and man was restored.

Yet, I could not help but feel down when the men and women of God of my previous church disheartened the other members of the congregation (not just my friend, many others too). I was discouraged again, and saddened that brother would turn against brother, as if it were the beginnings of Armageddon, though in much, much smaller doses, and less open, sometimes behind a facade of a smiling face.

And week after week after that, I have lived a life of a Sunday Christian, who comes to church to praise God, feel happy and socialize, then forget everything that was said for the rest of the week until I come back. I lost sight of things, and thought it was best to put my priorities above His will. Funny how things don't work out when He is not in your plans, or your thoughts, or how things don't feel right when He is not there.

Then I had a chat with one of my other friends, who after a long discussion, told me, hinted me towards what I was feeling, that I should just forgive and pray. Forgive and pray!? I was slightly annoyed at the idea. How could I forgive man when those in power and in control did nothing, or did not use their power responsibly? Or like the quote goes, "Evil flourishes only when good men do nothing." Prayer? Believe and hope that all things will become happy and shiny and whatever? Foolish notions! We must act upon what we believe in, lest it become just mere empty words. Why do we sit by and do nothing, and believe that circumstances will come out for the better? Frivolous!

Though, there is one gift, an awareness that I believe the Supreme Creator has given to me as I grew older. I was a questioner in all things, even that of my own actions. I think deeply of many things, and through experience I choose my words carefully, even when I care not sometimes and just let loose because I want to feel comfortable. Sometimes. I knew that as I was talking to my other friend, that I had not been without blame too. I was lax in my ways. I had not kept my devotion with him, and had concerned all affairs to be with me. I refrained from reading the Scripture that He gave to us, and alienated myself from the ways of a follower of Christ. I did not even make an effort to better myself from my harmful idiosyncrasies.

And there I saw myself, a man who thought he could change the circumstances around him, when at the moment, I knew what I was turning into. A bitter, cynical pessimist, who saw only the ugly side of people, who hoped too much for himself, and one who stopped listening to the sometimes small voice of God. Had I really kept myself away from his will? I began to see it so, for God knows that I am not a thoughtless person.

I began to read a small booklet called the "Pocket Encourager for Young Adults", and flipped through to the part where it talked about discouragement. And I found much of the words within to be synonymous with the way my life was running. It is not a battle of fists that I fight, but one of the mind, body and soul, and I did not know that I ignoring Him. Such a fool I was!

Therefore, I will believe, hope and pray. And then, and only then, I will act. For though prayer without action is useless, action without prayer is even worse. For if God can forgive my fellow man, then so can I.